gran and me. memories.

Yesterday was the day my gran died a year ago.

last year i wrote a blog about me and her.

my gran died this week. she had alzheimers.

The night before the actual date, i sent mam a text and said “can you send me any old pictures of me and gran together”  – i just wanted to have them to look at. Mam could hardly find any, and I went to dad cos he keeps all the old pictures on his computer. I was was with dad looking through old photos for one of me and her.
But we couldn’t find any.

i felt weird and quite annoyed. I had wanted the pictures to maybe have on my phone, or maybe to put on on instagram to say how i miss her.
I was quite annoyed. I felt like a bad grandson in a way. I thought it felt like i didn’t spend any time with her. There were LOTS of photos of her with other people in the family, just NOT with me. That made me emotious too – weird that i wouldn’t be in any.

It made me wonder had i not loved my gran. Or did gran not love me or anything? then my sensible thought was was obviously that she had loved me and I know i did love her.
Mum  realised i was upset so we chatted about it.

She explained to me that the lack of pictures was probably for 2 reasons.

  1.  Alzheimers made gran seem confused. I knew she was my gran BUT it didn’t always feel like it for some reason.  She seemed to change and got worse and worse. She used to forget our names. My aspergers found the changing personality  sort of difficult…and it felt like I was ‘avoiding’ her because I didn’t quite know what to do, because of her condition and all.
    But I totally still loved gran but she was different. And i found that hard.
    I never really had a chance to get to know her when she changed, because of this, so therefore I wasn’t always comfortable going for hugs and stuff like that. but i loved her and i love gramps and he was always there and very good to her and too me
  2. Gran knew she had Alzheimer. So she was always nervous. She always stayed with gramps. So there are lots of pictures of her with gramps. He made her feel comfortable and safe. She smiled with him. She was also really comfortable with my mam and my aunty Sheely, so there are LOTS of pictures of them with her. But she grew really uncomfortable of getting photos taken.

I did love her obviously. But I just found it difficult to always understand her when she was changing.

So mum was saying that it was a mixture of my shyness and her being nervous…that for different reasons we were both avoiding photographs.

BUT we had gran in our house LOADS. so we have so many memories:

  • she always got me ice cream.
  • when we went to the house she sent us for coke.
  • if she was here when i had a lie in, she’d nibble at my cereal – only the dry bits. Which is kinda weird cos i only eat dry cereal. So maybe i got that from her?
  • she was a really nice lady.
  • she was funny. She had a sense of humour – about bits like i got…rude words and cheeky jokes…sort of similar to me sort of.
  • she was musical. I remember her being in the choir.
  • she was always giggling and generally happy i think.
  • when she was younger she could play the accordion. when she was unwell mum used to play tunes to her and she’d smile and sing along.
  • she was happy with her life apart from the Alzheimers.
  • she crossed her legs and jigged her foot.
  • Christmas dinners and dinners like big family ones must have been confusing for her but she always had a smile on.

So like mum was saying there are reasons that there aren’t many photos of me and gran on our own together, BUT i have so many really nice memories of gran. And in them even though she was confused she felt HAPPY and SAFE. I think my gramps must have made her feel safe and happy.

I feel better knowing she was always happy. :)

And there will be pictures of gran on certain big occasions n the family, maybe i am not in the picture, BUT i still was there and i have the memory.

(Sent from my iPad)

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early intervention

This is Helen – Fionn’s mam.
EARLY intervention is such a valuable tool.
The DIAGNOSIS is just the start.
Keep communicating with your child, YOU are the key in translating him to the world, and the world for him.
NEVER stop learning from him, through him and for him.



world autism awareness day 2015

It is World Autism Awareness Day 2015.

The day to make people aware of autism and how life is for autistic people and aspies.

i have aspergers. I don’t remember NOT knowing that i had autism.

I’m going to do 10 points that might help you understand MY autism – cos everybody who has autism has different warning signs and clues. We have quite a few in common, BUT we are all a different mix of characteristics.

  1. I stim. I always stimmed in different ways. It depends on how nervous it am. NOW i SING out loud that blocks out the world for me. I used to be always whistling . NOW i have an addiction- that’s my parents word to my PHONE. I fidget at it all the time. It is really difficult for me to stay away from it.
  2.  i have habits you might think are a bit rude but they are needed. If i nervous chewing gum helps. I do that in school so i don’t talk as much. I still sometimes roll my sleeves up to get compression feel when i am anxious too.
  3. i am REALLY sensitive to smells. I have to walk away from bad smells. Like bad breath, body odour, some foods. I can’t help it. I am not being rude. they are just SO MUCH MORE to me than other people.
  4. i am so untidy and disorganised. In my schoolbag that my classroom assistant recently had to take me out of class to go through it. My BEDROOM is just like a bigger version of my bedroom. Clothes everywhere. I don’t MEAN to be untidy it is just that i am REALLY disorganised. In my bed i have clothes, blankets, and me.
  5. clothes themselves. My clothes have to be TIGHT. if i was allowed to i would wear clothes too small for me. I HATE hard collars, real school shoes. There are some jumpers and jackets that i don’t like the feeling of. I HATE itchy fabrics and hard fabrics. And i can’t close the top button on my school shirt.
  6. attention. i have a short attention span. no matter what i am doing i can’t do it for long without getting distracted or fidgetty, or having to be reminded what I am meant to be doing.
  7. i am a bit OTT about hygiene. I can’t stand anyone who smells bad, who looks dirty, or who has a bad breath, I have to move away. BUT it makes me very OTT about teeth brushing and about deodorant. My parents think it’s a bad habit and am trying to calm down. But i still do it sometimes, (it’s another reason i chew chewing gum”. I carry a deodorant EVERDAY in school- and use it after lunch. I just would HATE if is smelt bad.
  8. small talk. If there is no big item of conversation, i don’t talk. So if mum asks how was the match, i will just say “fine” and walk off. I know i have to learn and remember that people expect more than just one word answers and they expect a bit of detail. It becomes an issue as i get oldr so i am trying.
  9. new people. i ALWAYS think that they might not get me, so i don’t really make new friends. I suppose if i talked to them and told them I am a different it wouldn’t be too bad. I have more work to do on this one.
  10. sport and music and extra-curricular stuff like pantomime and things like that, is a great way of mixing with people. you meet all different ages. Sometimes it isn’t easy getting into them until the group feels more comfortable for you, but you have to keep trying.

I am more or less a NORMAL person . cos there is NO NORMAL….we are different.

When i was away recently i quite enjoyed wearing a mask. It was really enjoyable.

i felt anonymous.

it was fun hiding.

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Garlic slows ageing and protects the brain from disease, study reveals


Garlic. Powers of healthy brain food.

Originally posted on MIDDLE-AGED MAN BLAH'G:

  • Nutrient in garlic offers the brain protection against ageing and disease

  • Could even prevent diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s

It may be handy for killing vampires, but garlic can keep humans alive in more ways than one, researchers have found.

They say a nutrient in garlic offers the brain protection against ageing and disease.

It could even prevent age-related neurological diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s.

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music and my autism.

a few months ago i was asked by this magazine to do a wee article about something that i was into.

I decided to write about me and music. Be cause music is a BIG part of my life.

Since i wrote the article i have had to pick my GCSE choices and one of them was MUSIC.

At the minute i am wearing my older brothers Beats, and singing ALL THE TIME. When anybody wants me they go mad, cos i have the beats on and i can’t interact with the world :)….I have got into singing out much more.

by the way the Magazine is ABILITY NI…it is the only magazine for disabled people in northern Ireland. i LOVE the title of it. We have all got to concentrate more on what we can do, that what we can’t :)

Thanks Ability NI

from Fionn

Ability NI Magazine – Issue 37 – Fionn article2




st patrick’s day – shamrock

St Patrick’s Day


i HATE shamrock.

mam washes it and wants me to wear it like all other Irish people.

there is a smell off it.

and it’s irritating to wear.

up beside my skin.

it’s itchy and it feels weird.

Today my shamrock got washed and ready, and STAYED at home.!

too sensatious.hail


dentists and asperger’s.


sensory issues cause aspergers problems. Can you imagine how i HATE the dentist? #sensatious

Originally posted on autisticandproud:

Dentists and asperger’s don’t really go together.

Mum says when i was little i couldn’t stand the dentist. And that noises and the sensations drove me mad. She also had to have a chat with the dentist who didn’t take my aspergers seriously enough. My tongue used to go over to explore what was going on in my mouth, so when they dried bits, i would lick them.  but after she spoke to the dentist he took more time to explain to me what was happening.

  • I can do pain really well – BUT i don’t do shock well! I jump. So the dentist to warn me about what  is going to happen. (Its the same as when i was getting my lumbar puncture – mum showed me everything the night before, so i wouldnt get any shocks, and it was fine!)
  • i hate the sensatiousness of the cotton wool…

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