Parenting is tough. It is tough with any of our children and there is no instruction manual. You teach them the best values and life-skills you can and you let them try to fly. It is scary. and Based on my experience to date there are many times they land damaged, and you help them to fly again. That analogy is so true for me. Parenting does not stop at a certain age, stage or IQ.

With our children who we also have autism it is REALLY DIFFICULT!

Ironically the more you invest in your child, these strengths you give your child to manage in a mainstream society can be come a tool used in a way you hadn’t thought of.

F aged 19 and now finished A-levels – always measured on that inadequate one-size-fits-all IQ tests as above average. He was WAY above average. And achieved incredible A-levels- in 2 papers he got full marks! But that may have shocked his teachers but he was not shocked. He knew when he was able to drop the subjects he didn’t love and concentrate on the ones he did, that he was doing well. He did EXCEPTIONALLY well!

Way back when I remember the little boy who felt threatened and as he said it “like a jigsaw piece in the wrong Box, or that same boy whose IEP- his individual educational plan (which by the way we insisted on having the opportunity to be involved in writing each year) for THREE FULL YEARS was purely SOCIAL- i could do the learning support but he needed help to learn to MIX with other BOYS…3 years! Now he heads to the PUB with his friends, and festivals regularly.

But I know that if i let go in this nest he may not fly. He doesn’t see that.

I used to have a visual safety mechanism when F became stressed in school or in any social place- think you are a turtle and pull your head back into your shell for protection….so i guess retreat…be quiet… and stop… be SAFE!

The HUGE irony is that the better and stronger i made him, and you make yours, the stronger the resistance to change and to support you get to see now turning towards you. That turtle shell to protect himself becomes a wall of protection against change. And the tram tracks of that 6 year old’s life- the ones you taught him were only one way of MANY to look at to get from A-to -B, has become a filter out to very valid options you are proposing as semi-supported moving on and growing up before you attempt to let him Fly.

not LISTENING!

I would still change the world for F. But currently i have to chisel slowly and lovingly through that WALL i taught him to build before i can get him to open up to the OPTIONS there are open now. This is the BIGGEST TRANSITION EVER! And while I know it needs a lot of thought, i have a lot more convincing to do, now.

Parenting is REALLY TOUGH!

helen

but remember I was told by the experts ” he may just be a child who never gets tables!…… F aged 5! https://autisticandproud.wordpress.com/?p=3142&preview=true&_thumbnail_id=2967 so NEVER stop BEING the expert yourself!