we are a very “normal” family – if there is any such THING as a “normal” family….2 parents…2 older siblings, a brother close in age to Fionn, 2 small dogs and now a cat!
We are all “nuts” about each other, but life has lumps and bumps the same as any other home has…we are NOT the Waltons . But sometimes what we don’t even register as an event, Fionn perceived as a conflict…TENSION…it’s a new way to be aware. (helen)
we don’t really have rows in our house.
but when people have angry converstations i really don’t like it.
mum and dad were trying to make my older brother understand why they were upset and disappointed in him and his friends when they had drinks in the house last week.
Mum and dad alays make these boys fell like they are one of the family.
they always get treated very well in our house.
A few nights ago things didnt go so well.
And my brother didnt sort it out well he let the party get a bit out of control.
Mum and dad were let down.
My brother couldn’t get it – he didn’t see why they couldn’t just be annoyed at him
Mam and dad said that they were disappointed at All…him and his friends…who they have always been fond of.
So there was loud talking.
A lot of very loud talking.
Mum kept saying she wasn’t angry with my brother – if she was she would be grounding him.
She was trying to teach him how to be a grown up..and the boys need to grow up too. An apology should be said to my parents. My brother still cant get it.
The noise hurts my head a lot.
I find it hard to understand what is a a fight and people talking loudly.
Its like everytime that mum and dad disagree about something i get kinda worried that they might get a divorce. Mum can never believe that. She laughs and says it is just adults talking – and she and daddy are NOT going to get a divorce…and then i believe it.
it is always very uncomfortable for me.
and the noises probbly seem even louder in my head that they ever are…
i can nearly hear the tension!
sometimes i try to do things like pretend i am texting really fast on my phone….just to fidget fastly!
from Fionn
autisticandproud 
i so understand that fionn! i am the same way. i am actually feeling it right now because my brother who i do not get along with at all was here for the night. tension suffocates me. i pick up on it right away. growing up there was tons of tension in my family. tension was actually a huge part of the reason i tried to take my life at the age of 8. so yeah i feel for you fionn 🙂 maybe next time you can listen to some music to try to block it out? ((((hugs))))
i have to say in case you are all fretting about Fionn, we honestly have a fairly “normal” home life…but to disagree on anything – and raise a voice – is perceived as an argument…
its always been like that.
so after any words at all, we have to decifer it for him…and ask what the possible signs would have been if we were really angry etc…
we still need to work on this one.
Helen
oh i know that. your family does not seem to be a type that has a lot of arguments or drama like that. and i fully understand thinking something is a argument when its not. i am like that too. i always have to ask people if they are mad at me etc because it can be very hard to read people. yeah dont worry. i understand 🙂 a issue i sometimes have is i will be talking to someone and i will feel like they are getting upset with me so i get upset back when i guess they were not upset with me so i end up looking bad lol. with my work with rescue parrots i have learned a lot about how to read people tho because with parrots if you read them wrong you can loose a finger or more so i learned a lot and have been able to translate it to people in a lot of ways 🙂 i often say for many of us on the spectrum its like we speak a different language than nt people.
you are totally so right Brad, and don’t worry – i didn;t think you meant that at all… 🙂 honestly!
thats why when i see something like that so instantly in Fionn i really want him to Blog it…it is that confusion that so many Aspies have in common. You understand it, Fionn slightly does, but it is so importanct that others realise it is a common problem.
It is such a fascinating codition.
I really mean that!
Helen
oh good helen 🙂 yeah sometimes i am right about the tension but other times i just read it wrong. its taken a long time for me to be able to start reading it more correctly and sometimes i get it right but others not so much. its why i started to just ask questions like if its a argument or are the people just talking or if someones upset with me etc. and the more i ask these questions the more it helps me not just in the moment but future situations too. but yeah i have had situations where i read it wrong and ruined relationships/ friendships. another thing many of us aspies have a hard time with is when you get into relationships and start dateing and all that, reading the intent of people and flirting and all that. like i had girls that i thought wanted to be friends but it turns out they had been flirting with me and i did not realize it lol. it makes me wish people could just be direct with people so we do not have to sit and guess what they mean. i often have to sit down with a friend and have them translate for me.
i know!
we haven’t got to that stage yet – but i know am going to be doing a LOT of talks then..:)
H
yeah it sure can be complicated. but at least fionn has you to translate 🙂 and for me i had so much pressure to date and be in a relationship but it took me a long time to realize that it is okay to be single if it makes you happy 🙂 i mean dont get me wrong that relationships can be great but at the same time its not a bad thing to take a break from them. and one thing that helped me was becoming good friends with the girl first so that way she knew about all my quirks and all that because if i were to date a random girl my quirks can be shocking and when its shocking to them it kinda sours the relationship. plus talking to a random girl was kinda scary to me. but that is just what worked for me 🙂