There are so many times when your child comes to you and is anxious about what you are telling them would be “good for them”, or maybe you know it is a long-term necessity.
Some things will not happen without a PUSH from you….and if they are going to be resilient in a mainstream school and later a main-stream world!
you can FEEL you are being cruel (especially in cases like this where you get to read your child’s words about your COAXING them past their comfort-zone…We ALL have to PUSH and sometimes it feels rotten……
This may not be the catchiest title of any of my blogs, but it explains it kinda well!
i often say to mum, when there is something i feel nervous about …” i don’t want to do it!”
Mum always does this this thing where she goes “Fionn, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
and i answer that. Then she says “okay, and what is the proof that has happened to you before?” and i never have any good proof!
so then we do “if you don’t do it how will you feel?” and then i know I will be annoyed at myself for being too lazy or too nervous.
So by the end of the conversation I fell much better, and much more confident, and have decided to give it a try.
We did this when
- i was asked to do a solo singing in Primary school. When I did it everybody said i was really good.
- when there were auditions for a show in primary school, when we had the conversation i did it and i had a really good part in the show and i loved it. I loved the part i got 🙂
- last year i was the helper at the pantomime – i helped backstage and i helped sell programmes, and i sometimes helped make tea in the green room. This year mum said “Fionn you are going on stage” – and i said i amn’t and mum said yes i was until we saw how i got on! After the first practice i came home really happy . The panto was one of the best times of my life.
- School choir. I didn’t know in secondary school if music was cool or nerdy so i was afraid of joining the choir. So the first day it was on i texted mum and said I was nervous, cos nobody I knew was going. She replied “Fionn you are going. When have i been wrong about this thing before?” – I even remember the text (unfortunately). When I get there there were actually quite a lot of my friends…they must all have been nervous too! I love being in choir.
- In primary school I tried lying a bit and saying that band was cancelled a few weeks – but mam copped on and she asked Lorna (my assistant), and Lorna said i had been giving excuses why i couldn’t stay. We had a chat and it was the same thing. I was afraid music would be laughed at in grammar school. So we chatted a few teachers in the new school, and i was told it was really cool to be in band.
- i wanted in Primary School to quit Gaelic cos there were a few boys who were really aggressive. But we chatted to Mr Reihill and he said that i just had to get used to them, cos Gaelic is that kind of game. I love it now and i play easily with them. I am the goalie usually.
I can’t remember any other big examples but now i try not to avoid things, and try just to get on with it . Cos if you try something and manage it it will be better the second time and you feel proud of yourself instead of disappointed in yourself .
And after seeing the other boys from my class felt the same nerves as e, i realised that i wasn’t much different in that situation:)