did you ever get a massive knot in your daughter’s curly hair, when taking out her holiday hair-wrap?

did you ever get a fine gold chain back and the knot in it is so tight that the more you try to move it the tighter it the more it seems to tie itself up?

This is how it feels at times trying to decipher the clues with Aspergers.

Books don’t teach you this….its like a forensic trail…you have to retrace your child’s days and figure out what exactly is going on, and where it started…

a few examples from recent “tangles” we had:

  • new coloured child in class. Fionn was “afraid” and uncomfortable with him at same table.. 

it made no sense…he loves coloured skin. Had to pop in and look at the child. He seemed quiet and obviously not yet close to any of the class. Stunning child – with cornrows. Went home and chatted Fionn on what exactly his issue was . We went from scary, to rude eventually reaching has B.O. It just didn’t add up to me or to Fionn – but he couldn’t clarify any further. And then it dawned on me…..was the wax in his hair! They are now great friends!

  • the broken toenail was so bad that he couldn’t do triple PE..

Fionn HATES getting toenails cut. Always has – in fact also has an issue with finger nails – especially 4th finger nails. So he tends to wake until they grow and pick them…break them off, On Monday he had a partially broken nail on wee toe. But he loves his PE.  He also has an enormously high pain tolerance, so why now? I read through his liaison diary and then noticed that it was “RUGBY” for PE that day. Spotted that one easily. He was anxious about the contact in a new sport, and is uncomfortable about the level of physicality when watching the game. So his toenail was sore…sore enough to justify using it as a reason to observe the class. His decision at the end was that it looked fun and he thinks he will be able to try it next week!

  • a really painful toothache since Sunday…dramatically bad today. so much he rang for me to “get me a dentist appointment asap!”

this was very genuine pain but has been mentioning it for a few days and we could see nothing obvious. But he has been so good at managing pain levels that we have missed abscesses on occasion. Went to the dentist, who is very good at managing Fionn’s difficulties with treatment – great sensory problems here.  But when nothing visible but a slightly puffy gum – i was still telling myself could develop into an abscess.

So was sitting all evening watching, helping him with homework and when we got to maths was uncomfortable. He had had all his midterms in new school and the only test that he was VERY disappointed with was his maths. He had also been given projected grades for the year …and when his were Bs he was fine with this – as he understands that for him to process in a mainstream setting is in itself the success.

Went over the maths with him and was all very basic issues that had thrown him. We got about halfway the paper corrections when i noticed what was happening. He was using the “NEW” method of move the decimal point so many to the right or left, and had gone through the paper doing right when was left and vice versa,  So i wrote a note explaining to teacher that he needed to understand the MATHEMATICAL THOUGHT…and asked him to do qns in old way as in 700 x 1/1000 …and was fine.

So then i explained that you know sometimes Fionn you can be stressed first and then develop a physical pain – sometimes it is so bad can be a heart attack! So we considered how bad he had felt about the test…initially was ” awful but am over it now” but when i continued to probe was well disappointed and “worried about the grade not being a B”.

We talked about the what ifs…would i love him anyless if he got ZERO? explained that with him a test is like an Xray. It shows us how his dots join , how he works and thinks and helps ME to understand more about him and make things easier for him, when we explain to teachers…

Lots of tears later….he says “thanks mum”…and I said for what, and answer was “for helping me understand me.” And he know feels like a shook bottle of coke that has been able to let all the fizz out….


I Love him…will never stop trying to solve the mystery that at times is my son.